Am I Guilty?
(The very best insights to the difficult questions from the dating forum)
I am married and I have been hitting a married dating site for about a year now. The only person I ever talk to honestly about this is my sister. Usually after I have one of my secret dates, I get back home and clean the whole house and make a fabulous dinner and I dote on my husband when he gets home from work. I am happy and relaxed, I give him all of my attention and we usually have the best nights. He's even remarked many times whatever I did that day keep on doing it because I was such a pleasure to come home to. Here's why I'm writing to you. My sister said that the way I am after one of my dates means that I am guilty. My sister is really smart and I don't want to just dismiss what she said, I would like another opinion. I feel like if I felt guilty, I wouldn't be so happy, and I wouldn't keep doing it. What do you think?
There are so many little truths revealed in your word choices here. The overall feeling of your note is very positive. I don't think you sound guilty at all. I think like many married women you have made a healthy decision to make yourself feel satisfied and happy. It really is amazing when we see the effect being happy has on the rest o f our lives. It sounds to me like you come home after a date and clean because you want to, you feel good and you want to make everything around you feel good to. It sounds like everyone benefits from your happiness including your husband. And I do think there is a little bit of a silent permission in there. Don't ask don't tell is not all that silly an idea in certain contexts. This is one of them. Your husband didn't ask you what you did all day that made you so happy and productive. Instead, he just said, whatever it was keep it up. I think that may be a little wink to you. So, keep it up! Enjoy your happiness, and let your sister know you appreciate her support but in this instance she's just not getting it.